Peter, my husband for over 50 years, breathed his last at 6.50pm on 23 May. As I had laughingly told him he had to be here when I got back from my trip. Not sure if it is appropriate to say he waited - but he was definitely more fragile when I got back. He was still bright and chirpy when he saw Tui and I, and the staff said he still started every day with "Happy Good morning"...
He had been eating less and less, and had had a couple of falls, such that he was now needing someone to watch him when he walked or showered etc. Despite me calling in almost every day and trying to ensure that food was offered that he would eat, it was obvious from about the 20th May that he was on a real downhill slide. When I found out his creatinine levels and his eGFR from his blood tests and discussed what these levels meant in terms of kidney function with Jonathan and googled what those terms meant I realised we didnt have long. His body was finally failing his indomitable spirit.
Catherine was due over on Friday 24th and Jonathan was standing by to come up but Peter had another fall - about 3pm on the Thursday 23 May - it is unclear but he probably had a stroke which caused the fall. I was up there within ten minutes of the phone call and the paramedics arrived soon after - his heart was stopping and his body struggled to breathe for another two and a half hours - It seemed so sudden and i was absolutely shattered. Gloria was with me at first and then Karen came in and was there with me at the last.
It has been a rough week - I have never had such emotional numbness... lots of messages of support and love. Catherine and Jonathan's families both with me .. over 100 at the funeral - the family and extended family nearly all turned up ( except for the overseas ones who couldnt be expected to make it) - I think we gave him an appropriate and well justified send off.
I cant write more here, but despite wondering for over 20 years when this day would come, it doesnt really feel that he has gone - I think I do understand what they mean when they say the body and physical presence has gone, but he is still with me.
"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together ... There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you."
As Shakespeare says " all of life is a stage ' and I guess now I start on my "Third Act" - so a new blog will start soon.
This is the link to the new blog
